National Franchise Rebukes St Austell Town's Offer of Peppercorn Lease

Another blow to the festering commercial anus of St Austell Town was delivered today by major national retail franchise, Poundland. In March Restormel Council offered Poundland a "significantly small" peppercorn lease on a "substantial" retail premises in the town center. The details of the offer were very shielded, and still are. However I have found out that it was the smallest lease price on any property in the Town for three decades, and that it was also offered to a well known local insurance company.

So I kept on snooping and investigating and yet again, I have come up trumps. Last week I wrote a letter to Poundland's CEO, Quidsley Montogmery, asking about the potential to get a Poundland in St Austell, and specifically the council's peppercorn offer. Today I received a short but informative email reply from Mr Montogomery:

"Dear Mr Chesterton,

Thank you for your correspondence.

It was hard decision for the board to make, but we feel that on the whole the credibility and image of Poundland has to be our prime directive. We feel that St Austell is not on a vector that is compatible with ours, both in terms of aesthetics and ethos. Also we are worried about shoplifting".

Best wishes

....

"

Quidsley Montgomery

CEO Poundland

CEO Quidsley Montgomery, known by the moniker "Monty" since he started Poundland in 1975

As soon as I had this confirmation I moved my journalistic sniper sights onto the councilor responsible for the initial offer. I can't reveal her identity but I can publish here, without prejudice, the response she emailed me back not three hours ago:

"Dear Charles,

Thank you for your correspondence regarding the redevelopment of St Austell Town Centre, specifically the issue of Poundland not being established in St Austell; a fact I can today confirm.

Although the PWAB* method of redevelopment has had a good national track record around the country over the years, we feel that seeing as St Austell already has the WAB, losing Poundland isn't as critical as it could have been.

I agree that it is not ideal, but it's not as much of a setback as you are implying in your email - it is certainly not the "disaster of old testament proportions" you describe.

Also, and for the record, there are two points I am obliged to make:

1) The terms of lease agreed were in keeping with the projected lease value of the premises and we do not consider them to be "peppercorn" or "nigh on free".

2) If you send me a photograph like that again, even it was to "illustrate your point", I will sue you for harassment.

Sincerely,

....

"

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*Poundland>Woolworths>Argos>Boots.

The Thatcher government paid billions to the Rand corporation to come up with the ideal way to regenerate town centres after the collapse of industry. The PWAB method was developed using highly advanced concepts from population maths and economic psychology. If you're interested, "Game Theory and The Primart Dilemma" is a great introduction to modern conurbation architectonics.