I don't know if the residents of St. Austell are aware of the information I am about to reveal. St. Austell does not have a traffic warden!
Do you remember years ago there was an old traffic warden that would slap a fine on his own mother, he ruled with an iron fist, he took no prisoners, 'Hitler' I used to call him.
Anyway, he retired so the council got another one. You know the guy, he would regularly be stood in a doorway having a fag. Well, he was useless. I have been told by some of the taxi drivers in town that when the public parked their private cars on 'OUR' taxi rank, he wouldn’t ticket anyone because, wait for it…. 'he had to live in the town and didn't want any trouble'. Great!
Well anyway, he got sacked (or quit) back in December and the Council have not found a replacement, and I have been reliably informed that they won't until the town is complete in mid march 2074 (the recently revised completion date).
Don't celebrate just yet; The police can still ticket you, not the community support officers, they can't do anything, actually, if anyone knows of anything they can do I would be interested to know what.
So as I was saying, the police can still ticket you, I’ve heard that the double yellow lines outside Pearce’s butchers on Carlyon Road is a hot spot of parking ticket activity. So make sure you don't park on the double yellows outside the butchers at noon when the rookie cop gets sent on the daily pasty run. You are sure to get a ticket if you inconvenience our local pasty munching police officers.
The message is simple:
You can park anywhere you want in St. Austell and nobody will do anything. Don’t buy parking tickets and stop wherever you like. You can park on 'MY' Taxi rank and then tell me to "get lost" when I politely ask you to move. After all, the Taxi rank is my office and I’m sure if I was to come and sit on your desk you would all be fine with that. They say, ‘I’ll only be five minutes, stop moaning’. The next person who parks on ‘MY’ rank is going to be followed to their home/place of work and I’m going to stand and stare at them for 5 minutes, butt naked! You have been warned!
I'm sure if we all cause a bit of chaos then our clever local councilors might do something about our lawless community.
One more thing, this is good. I watched I young kid (18ish) gobbing off at a Police officer outside the local meat market (puls8) at closing time one evening. The lad was shouting all sorts of abuse at the officer and eventually, after some encouragement from his ‘friends’ threw a punch at one of our poor piglets. Banged up in Newquay for the night I hear you say. No, they gave him a free ride to Penwithick. Well done lads, ‘that’ll teach him’.
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